Emotional Self-Regulation: A Key Leadership Skill
Emotional self-regulation is the ability to recognize, understand, and respond appropriately to one’s own emotions. It doesn’t mean suppressing emotions but rather consciously directing them to remain calm and think clearly in challenging situations. This is particularly important for leaders who must guide and motivate teams in stressful environments, under high pressure, and through rapid changes. In the hectic daily routine, a wide range of emotions may arise: anger, uncertainty, sadness, fear, and guilt. These emotions can be overwhelming and lead to feelings of helplessness or stress. On the other hand, it’s not a good idea to ignore these emotions. When emotions are repressed, their electrical impulses (yes, you read that correctly) can become trapped in the body, causing discomfort. Worse still, these suppressed emotions can manifest unexpectedly in inappropriate situations.
“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” — Viktor Frankl
But what does it really mean to regulate your emotions? What are some easily implementable tools to learn emotional self-regulation? And why is this skill important not only for personal well-being but also for healthy work relationships, motivation, and performance in a team and organization?
Recognizing Emotional Self-Regulation
Emotional self-regulation is the ability to consciously perceive, understand, and influence your emotions. This skill enables us to stay calm in difficult situations, make clear decisions, and positively shape our relationships with others. Specifically, it helps us to:
- Calm ourselves in conflicts and challenging situations
- Relax and reflect on our own patterns and interactions with others
- Set and maintain focus instead of getting lost in external distractions
- Perceive, categorize, and, if necessary, postpone our impulses and needs, enduring the frustration that comes with it
- Pursue long-term goals by consciously setting aside short-term objectives
- Choose words carefully when interacting with others
An Example from Leadership Practice
Imagine this situation: You are a leader in a Friday afternoon team meeting after a stressful week. Your pulse is still a bit high; you’ve been in execution mode all week. Now the atmosphere is relaxed, and everyone is glad the week is over. You join in the joking and reveal your human side. Then, an employee makes an innovative suggestion. Initially, the proposal doesn’t sit well with you. You notice an impulsive urge to say, “Stop, we can’t do it that way!” because you fear that this idea will disrupt the whole process. You could express this out loud, take control of the leadership, and frustrate your highly motivated employee. Instead, you consciously notice this urge within yourself. You take a deep breath, focus on the window, and briefly look at the spring trees and blue sky outside. This shift in focus brings more relaxation and space within you. With this calm clarity, you recall your leadership principles and respond kindly: “That’s a very innovative suggestion. What ideas do you have on how we could make it a ‘both/and’ situation—being innovative while remaining process-oriented?”
The Importance of Emotional Self-Regulation
Well-being: Studies show that good emotional self-regulation is associated with better physical and mental health. People who can regulate their emotions often have a lower risk of stress-related illnesses.
Relationships: In interpersonal relationships, emotional self-regulation is crucial. It allows us to respond empathetically to others, resolve conflicts constructively, build trust, and enhance motivation. Healthy working relationships are fundamental, as studies repeatedly emphasize their importance: 75% relationship level – 25% factual level.
Performance: Whether at work or in private life, emotional self-regulation helps us think clearly and act effectively under pressure. We can concentrate better, solve problems more holistically, and achieve goals more easily and co-creatively in teams.
(Self-)Coaching Tools to Enhance Emotional Self-Regulation
What are some easily applicable methods to help with emotional self-regulation?
- Mindfulness (self-)coaching techniques like conscious breathing and slowing down behavior to observe your own thinking and actions.
- Conscious orientation in space: If you feel a burdensome emotion or are in a stressful situation, focus your attention on concrete external impressions (without delving deeper into the emotion). These can be visual, auditory, or tactile stimuli that you consciously perceive and name internally. For example, “I see the desk in front of me, I hear the fan buzzing, I feel the chair under me and its backrest.” Notice how your body calms down. After a few days of practice, you’ll notice that your brain naturally makes these small but significant shifts in orientation.
- An emotions journal: Reflect over time on specific situations that didn’t go well: What emotions did I feel in this specific situation? What underlying assumptions are behind these emotions? What habitual behavior did I exhibit? What are the unfavorable interactions with others?
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